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Wild54
Contributor

Is what I am going through linked to my past?

Hello everyone,

I  recently joined here and introduced myself to you all, but it got me thinking are my current issues related to past experiences????

 I was abused as a child by my next door neighbor twice, it was never spoken of again by my family...so I guess it was normal for me after that when I grew up that things that happened I never spoke about or have the ability to deal with things. When I was 26 I was diagnosed with Endometriosis, truly horrific every month to say the least. My husband at the time didn’t console me nor my mother either who had similar issues during her teens, so once again I ignored what was happening to me and focused on others. It wasn’t until you was injured in 2009 that all of these past experiences came crashing through in the form of a major panic attack, I was diagnosed with Adjustment Mood Disorder, Depression  and PTSD, I didn’t leave my unit for 2 whole weeks, didn’t shower, I was a mess! I wasn’t on medication just a couple of sessions with a medical Centre Psychologist and that was it.... Yay, I’m fixed now.... NOT!!!!

Fast forward to 2013 when I am diagnosed with Perimenopause, no problem I thought I can handle this.... but little did I know that everything I had dealt with( or thought I had dealt with)  in the past would come back with a vengeance ... the crazy thoughts in my head, the depression, full on anxiety & panicky feelings, it has gotten wi se to vet the last few days and it feels like I just have to get away from everything...does that make sense? My 2nd husband I have to say is a full on hyperactive person who is constantly on the go, who doesn’t really get what is going on with me... he just says “What?, are you still tired, why???  He doesn’t ask how I am any more and you have spent the good part of a year sleeping on our lounge as I cannot bear him to touch me as to be honest I feel physically ill. He has temper tantrums and I am feeling it may be time for me to be on my own to deal with what’s going on with me.

Has anyone else here had similar thoughts, experiences, I would like your thoughts are n this.

Thanks for listening to me ramble, hope I made sense lol

Wild54

 

13 REPLIES 13

Re: Is what I am going through linked to my past?

Thanks for sharing your story @Wild54, it does sound like you've been through a lot. Do you have someone to talk to about what you are going through right now?  

Re: Is what I am going through linked to my past?

Hi @Ali11 ,

No, unfortunately I don’t have anyone to talk to.... I cannot talk to my husband although he always says there’s no secrets between us.... I know he wouldn’t understand why the should feel depressed.... I have no friends, I do not go out on my own only with my husband, we spend 24/7 together 😞 hence the feeling that have to leave

Re: Is what I am going through linked to my past?

Hello @Wild54 

Just wanted to say I read your post and even though I don't have a lot to offer in terms of the specifics, I wanted to acknowledge that you've had a lot to deal with.

I hope you can find others on the forum with some experiences in common. It's been life changing for me that way.

It really varies from person to person, and it can be a struggle to find a good fit, but seeing a psychologist over time (4 years for me) has helped me a lot. GPs can refer for up to 10 Medicare subsidised sessions a year. All the best.

Re: Is what I am going through linked to my past?

Hello@frog ,

Thank You for your reply. Yes, it’s been a pretty tough roller coaster ride from hell, which I had sought help for from a Medicare Psychologist.., it did help. The difference now is that I have a husband who just doesn’t get what’s going on with me and to be honest I feel anxious when I tell him how i’m feeling as he’s likely to go off !

Before it was easier to deal with how I was feeling as I was on my own, no pressure, no added anxiety or stress , my husband adds & causes my anxiety and stress.

Thank You again for your reply.

Wild54

Re: Is what I am going through linked to my past?

Well hello Wild54 - it is your lucky day, and mine too for that matter.  I too am exceptionally new to this forum, minutes infact, joined to respond to you Smiley LOL
Peri(expletive)menopause and I are recent friends and some of my experiences at that time are your experience now. I couldn't go past without sharing that, offering you some validation, letting you know it's going to be ok and offering hope. Paralells for you now as it was for me then, you're not alone.  
Ok so glaring difference is I'm single and was at that time, but can add that despite the boyfriend being distant with you, uninvolved and not asking you about this evil business, it's a positive and most likely an uintended safe/life-saving one for him too if you've not entered and descended deep into the pit of full blown Rage Stage.  Thinking if there was to have been an (obviously this is a fictional descriptionSmiley LOLthey don't exist) attentive, caring, understanding and gorgeously wonderful significant other in my life at that time he'd have, at the very least, been stabbed numerous times in the eye.  But all the same, I get that there should be support or something else but I digress.
So Aunt Flo last popped by Xmas of 2017 after the few years of lead-in by hardcore, irregular Aunt Flo pop-ins, hot flushes, extreme fatigue, sleepless nights, etc. By early January - as I now know to be the beginning of my year in peri-menopase - she'd slapped me with an entirely foreign and unfathomable new range of mind altering "somethings".  Having done extensive research for years leading up to this next life event, decades conquering mental unhealth and living my best positive mental health, I thought peri-menopause/menopause in that department would be a breeze, I'd prepared.  Awareness, positive lifestyle adjustments, self-care and coping skills all refined over several decades to what was the best fit and worked for me, I felt more ready to take on these demons.
Nu-uh. Nope. No way. Nothing.......nothing.  Nothing at all will prepare you for the road ahead.  Nothing.  Uncontrolled, irrational and ridiculous to the extreme thoughts on everyday scenarious going very badly, events in the past that were of no conseqence at the time replayed with same uncontrolled, irrational and ridiculous to the extrene alternative horrific outcomes, any and every bad thought you've buried in the past, forgotten about and even those that had been dealt with successfully is going to pop in too.  
Hot flushes, mood-swings - that really should be renamed multi-massive pendulums as there's no "swinging" back and forth they're directionless to the extreme - no vebal filter, intense guilt, full-awareness without control, hungry all the time and did I mention the fatigue? Then BOOM!!!!  With the new school depression, anxiety, anger, rage, guilt, intense flashbacks invading waking hours and dreams is another something new - PTSD!  Thinking back as there were much lesser symptoms, it was most likely hovering around amongst life lot the past few years and hit full-bloom at that time.
Fast forward to Xmas 2018, one year anniversary and the official launch of menopause, waving peri goodbye and a whole new lot of experiences and research.  Sometimes this can be a good thing, sometimes not - that's up to you - but to be frank, some was quite frightening too.  If there's existing or history of mental health issues, you're going to get slammed harder and in extreme cases can lead to schizophrenia. Seriously?  But you know what pissed me off/upset me/depressed me more? The chosen ones, the "oh I didn't get any symptoms my periods just stopped" wonder women, those who breezed through.  I'm sorry, you have no place in the menopause realm as you've not done the rights of passage to get there as others have - future reference for anyone, just pretend things got a little bit shit, there were a few feverish moments and one time you did have to change sweaty sheets - humour us Smiley Frustrated
So I'd decided to try changing the mind-set of this whole menopause bizzo and look at is as a celebration of entering my next phase, faked happiness and lots of "yaaaay menopause, awesome" moments with those around me - I've always been a lot more open than some may want with the whole women's bizzo.   We need to open up dialogue on this as so much is unknown throughout the medical profession and specifically women!
By the end of January/February 2019 another dramatic change! Massive reduction in what was going on in my head in the year prior. Huge. That BS exited much as it had entered only a lot less noticeable, unfortunately. Still ridiculously hungry all the time, reduced fatigue, a better quality of sleep, the incinerating, thermal wave, instant full body sweat-slicks still there but getting less and less each day and haven't had one singe around mid-March. Huh? Yes. None..........for the moment! I'm not naive enough to think this is it, but yaaaaaaaay menopause, I'm staying positive. Am I finallyfinallyfinally going to be given one of life's breaks after all the hard yards I've put in? What? Me? Yaaaaaaaaay menopause.
I honestly didn't know how I was going to get through last year, my perimenopause year, nor try and fathom what was going to lay ahead for years or even decades and could even be worse..........trying right now to think back is hard, almost unfathomable so exactly how TF did I actually do it? I really don't know, but I'm here now, my mental strength has never been this consistent and strong and I got this.
You can too. Keep going, use what strategies and coping mechanisms you've learned over the years as they do help. Three monthly blood tests with your GP – cholesterol, vitamic/minerals, thyroid, etc. These will go all over the place, if they haven't already, and with appropriate adjustments to some with diet and exercise – blood pressure/cholesterol for instance – won't require pharmaceutical intervention as they're easily reduced. My thyroid went bonkers for a few months too – underactive symptoms but was overactive, go figure – a few months before perimenopause and that's another little mind/thought trickery thingos Woman Very Happy

Self-care, follow as much as possible the suggested peri/menopausal food regime, 30 mins hardcore walk, and all that other stuff one must do when one starts to enter a certain age will all help.  You got this too.

Re: Is what I am going through linked to my past?

I hope you can find some hope amongst that. You only need a little.

Re: Is what I am going through linked to my past?

Hi and welcome @Wild54 and waves also to @HelenBach Smiley Very Happy

 

There's so much in your post hun, but one thing poking its head out to me is the issue with your husband not being as attentive and sensitive as you'd like.

 

Men! Ha ha.. It's not their fault they're like this; it's their brains. When women go to them with our 'feelings' they don't know how to respond. Their instincts say to fix the problem because that's what they're programmed for. So not being able to fix you would be frustrating for him.

 

Practical solutions and making you happy are what he wants for you. So when you try to talk about feelings it doesn't compute and makes him feel as if he's failing you as a husband. If you however tell him what you want from him, and also how amazing he is to even consider helping you, it'll be a better fit. 

 

Men, deep down, want to be effective in what they do, and especially feel appreciated for it. They also like to know what's coming (they don't like surprises) so making a time to talk first would help him relax into it. And, definitely not after work! That's their man-cave time to de-bug from the days' issues. Letting him know you'd like to talk after dinner would help him prepare.

 

When you feel as if the craziness is taking hold, it's better to talk with other women. Lifeline's great for this; I contact them heaps for another perspective. [We] understand the concept of feelings and emotions; men don't get this..

 

It might be handy to make notes so you don't spiral off onto other topics. Keep it simple and include what he can do for you and how great it would be if he did.

 

I hope some of this helps and you get the gist of what I'm saying as it can change the way you both relate to each other. It can also bring closeness and intimacy (not sex) to your relationship. 

 

Take your time with things ok. One step at a time...

 

Kind thoughts;

Hope x Heart

Re: Is what I am going through linked to my past?

Hi @Hope4me Thank You for your reply and welcome.

Yes, I agree that men’s brains are wired differently to ours and my husbands is more so due to his hyperactivity, paranoia and controlling nature... There is absolutely no way I can without a full  on anxiety attack can I sit down and talk to him about how I am feeling... I don’t fully understand myself what’s happening to me lol 

Not long ago I said d to him that there may come a time where I won’t be interested in sex due to the Perimenopause symptoms... his answer to that was, “ Don’t worry, I’ll change that, I’ll make you change your mind”. 

I know he loves me in his own way and cares about what happens to me but he has s on the go all the time, flies in front the handle over little things, he needs to be in control of things... he stresses me out to the max!

if I told him how I feel, he would make a joke about it...

At the moment I am taking one day at a time and decide whether to stay or go and be by myself .

Thanks again,

Take care

Wild54

Re: Is what I am going through linked to my past?

How are you doing today @Wild54

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