Skip to main content
Forums Home
Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Our stories

SHINY
Casual Contributor

Husband with PTSD triggers my anxiety

Hello, 

 

I'm on here to educate myself more with Ptsd in men, Especially men who have worked in the police department if possible. 

My husband has been diagnosed with Ptsd and forced retired from the force as a result. As someone myself who suffers long term axienty I find it difficult to understand the changes in my husband. 

 

* lack of motivation 

* lack of energy 

* Emotional Withdrawal 

* lack of affection or interest in others 

* Easily Irritated 

* Easily Overwhelmed 

* Snappy 

* Avoidance 

* Insomnia 

 

All the above symptoms were never who my husband was. He was always present and affectionate, patient and an easy going man. 

 

My issue is trying to learn how to stop taking these changes personally. My husband always tries his best to reassure me and listen to my needs. It sometimes takes time though for him to do this. My anxiety isn't as patient as I would like. My thoughts tend to take me to a place of fear. I insist on reassurance desperately and this creates further pressure and avoidance for my husband. More regection for me. 

 

How long will it be like this for?

How do I accept this new man?

Will he ever return back to me and our family?

How can I be more patient? How can I separate my anxiety when he has been triggered?

How do i stop blaming myself for his triggers? 

 

I have read a lot about Ptsd although I'm not getting the information i need to really understand the pyschology and physical changes i see and find confusing, confronting and emotional. 

 

My Husband and i have a very close bond and can communicate honestly. We have discussed living seperately to relieve the pressure he feels and limit the amount of triggers for both of us preventing progress. We have 5 kids between us (2 mine, 3 his) so this is a way to simplify his daily routine. This decision was not made lightly and does not change our connection. This decision was made after a depressive state lead to suicidal planning and a close call to implementing suicide. 

Im hoping this space will give myself the time to control my own emotions and regain some faith that maybe one day we can live a more trigger-less life together. 

I would like to have more faith that my husband will be at peace again one day. 

Does anyone know the stats of  a full revovery? 

We both see a physcolagist and take medication, we both exercise and spend a lot of time together. 

Please reach out anyone that can relate or offer anymore info. I'm happy to share a few examples of our issues if anyone is interested. 

Thankyou 

 

 

 

3 REPLIES 3

Re: Husband with PTSD triggers my anxiety

Hey there @SHINY Firstly thank you so much for sharing your story. I want you to know amongst our little online community you are not alone Heart It can be really complicated to grieve the loss of who someone was, considering whether we accept the new version of them or whether to keep trying to perservere to get them back to that place. It's really incredible to hear that you have such open and honest communication, and that you are both seeing psychologists Heart Have you considered going to couples therapy together? Anecdotally I have heard this is a game changer for developing and reflecting on interpersonal relationships, is this something your psych has mentioned at all? How are you feeling about the living apart, has this already been implemented? We have a fact sheet here on PTSD and a few of our members live with this as well, I don't doubt soon some of the community will jump in here and provide their insight 🙂 

 

Look forward to hearing from you in your next post @SHINY  you're not alone and we are all here to listen 🙂 

Re: Husband with PTSD triggers my anxiety

Hi Nashy, 

 

Thankyou for your reply, It defiantly makes it easier to know others feel confused also. I feel guilty for not being a strong support for him. 

We have both been advised to go to couples therapy, this is something we have been trying to do although seems a bit pricey so still looking. 

We both try real hard to listen to each other so we don't see it as urgent atm. 

My husband still lives with me, we are waiting for extra funds before he moves. Im on board with living seperate because i see how our 5 kids, my work schedule and my own  personal emotions trigger him. For the past 2 years there has been a lot of pretending he is ok and hoping it will go away, from both of us. I feel like my husband is serious about getting better now and has identified triggers.

 

Previously we would take on all the kids together, take them to theme parks, I would work for more money and he would help look after mine. We would juggle all strong personalities, chores and house work together.  He would feel so much pressure he would need to escape after they go back, he would go camping alone for several days to recharge. This created such a contrast for him. The lows were getting lower and the highs were getting higher. It wasn't realistic for him to go camping alone each fourtnight. It is also dangerous when his depressed and overwhelmed. Lows got so low he had planned a suicide. Something needs to change. 

 

Despite what I know is best, I do have waves of insecurities and we have spoken about them a few times, he knows he needs to keep reassuring me as we go, and he does a wonderful job at doing this. I do occassionally feel abandoned and regected by this outcome. It is heart breaking that our life together is not good for him or his recovery.

 

If I'm anxious my emotions are so much stronger and I get scared he won't come back because it's too chaotic and he will never be ok enough to cope. 

 

After talking to my husband about this, he has confessed he feels the same heart break confusion and doubt. But we both want to see progress. 

 

Thankyou for reaching out, I hope others do feel like they can share too, it would be good to know if anyone else has experienced separate living arrangement for ptsd recovery. Was it successful. 

 

Re: Husband with PTSD triggers my anxiety

hello and welcome to the forum @SHINY 

like @nashy , you are not alone my friend 

@BlueBay, @Former-Member , @eth 

Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

For urgent assistance