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28-04-2021 10:14 AM
28-04-2021 10:14 AM
Higher Ed
Just before my brain broke I started formal learning again. I didn't want to change the world, I just wanted to get a permanent position in a menial job so I had no stress, pay the bills and could read the books I actually like at home in my own time. After I broke my noodle I was going to drop out of higher ed altogether cos the material was so triggering and the institution is as trauma aware as Satan. The last tutorial I attended before receiving the only inheritance I ever got, a mental illness, a student showed a video of an indigenous persons life ending in full colour, audio and visual, the class clearly were unmoved by it, didn't do a thing to their blood pressure, and I left for the door with my DV history in my top pocket and psychosis waiting for me in the foyer. So I swapped degrees,so I could choose subjects without child maltreatment, knowing its a crummy degree but it is something. Now I've been told I'm probably not going to graduate because I am too slow and they have to uphold the integrity of the degree. In calculating the maximum time I am allowed to complete they didn't minus all the times I was in the honey moon suite
The most upsetting part of the whole process has been the chick in Disability. My Psychiatrist wrote a letter asking could I please have an attendance adjustment and complete my tutorials online after being in hospital for a 3rd of the year in 2019 and my world falling apart just that little bit more to really put the boot in......she said no its a face-to-face degree. And then we had a phone consult and she kept saying how 'lucky' I was because of Covid and if it wasn't for Covid there would be no online option at all and I would have had to drop out. I think she said lucky like 5 times. I told Dr Kindness this and I told my ClinPsych and they were appalled. I'm not responsible for Baby Boomer academics who are afraid online learning will lead to job losses, its not my preference to have a disability.
Have any other disabled forumites had similar experiences with higher ed and being too slow, and what did you do?
Corny
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28-04-2021 12:02 PM
28-04-2021 12:02 PM
Re: Higher Ed
well that is all a bit suckedy suck suck
no, no experience with diability I'm afraid, although my "lucky covid" experience with online learning, was that I couldn't get my one practical done before the due date because were were all locked down, and I had to pay for an extension to the course until we could gather en masse again... I needed 30 people in the same place to complete it.
About 3 weeks after they made me pay for the extension they introduced a zoom element for the practial. They did not offer a refund... grrrrr...
This was only a cert IV not a proper degree - but every day in the corporate world I am confronted by morons who seem incapable of thinking outside of the boxes they must tick before passing you onto the next box-ticking moron in what used to be a government department but has now been privatised...
hope you can sort it,
from a Baby Boomer with a job in the real world.
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28-04-2021 12:20 PM
28-04-2021 12:20 PM
Re: Higher Ed
I was actually too slow for a degree big-time. Largely because I was spread too thin while dealing with my unchecked issues. Also though, I'm the type that leans towards the Socratic model of education, where it's all about discourse and learning forever. I do think the Hippocratic model is pretty important (sometimes you just gotta get your ticket and move on), but, I would rather party with Socrates.
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28-04-2021 12:36 PM - edited 28-04-2021 12:37 PM
28-04-2021 12:36 PM - edited 28-04-2021 12:37 PM
Re: Higher Ed
Thank you @wellwellwellnez it sucks, we don't fit in anywhere. Its so frustrating because they make up words that aren't even real, I'd read Chomsky, thought I could get through, but words they use don't appear in the Cambridge Dictionary. My Psychiatrist said nothing is worth another psychotic break and I know he is right because the recovery is so slow and it probably does permanent brain damage every time you have another one. I will contact another Uni just to see what they say, do some fact finding but I won't risk my health.....thanks for making me feel less alone with my disappointment. Corny
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28-04-2021 12:48 PM
28-04-2021 12:48 PM
Re: Higher Ed
Oh yeah, in the process of failing linguistics I got a huge respect for Chomsky. Way back in his early days, the leading theory of human language was that we all glorified parrots. I'm no parrot. I'm not even sure parrots are "parrots".
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28-04-2021 03:26 PM
28-04-2021 03:26 PM
Re: Higher Ed
You are not alone @Corny , I'm borderline Boomer/ Xgen and had to give up my double degree with 2 units (subjects) to finalise due to my mental health issues reaching crisis point. That was 24 years ago.
I had no support to speak of, was in the middle of an ongoing life threatening situation, too much to disclose here of course, and all advice was to give up on the degrees. Like you experienced with the video and unfeeling peers watching it, I was in a psychology tutorial about treating SA - I was gobsmacked by the responses and the lack of comprehension expressed by the attendees.
I hope you can find someone to advocate for you and get soemthing productive worked out so you can go ahead with your studies.
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28-04-2021 03:29 PM
28-04-2021 03:29 PM
Re: Higher Ed
Thanks @wellwellwellnez for your understanding, I have failed most things in life too.
Standardised Testing + Broken Head + Broken Childhood doesn't really gel.
Standardised anything I will be terrible at. Its interesting because some of my lecturers without realising it, can probably tell there is something wrong with me. Some of their comments indicate they know something is amiss and the dots don't line up.....mainly cos my head can't do synthesis very well. My mental illness makes it hard to do succinct synthesis in short time frames with pressure and deadlines.
The Social Model of Disability has helped me be less hard on myself, but it still hurts and its still very frustrating. I get so envious of people who still have their health and family support. They don't realise how lucky they are, take care mate,
Corny
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28-04-2021 03:47 PM
28-04-2021 03:47 PM
Re: Higher Ed
Thanks @Last-Lament I am sorry that this happened to you and I am sorry that you are a survivor of violence. That is so disappointing to not be able to finish with 2 subjects left. But I completely understand having your life threatened. Not much has really changed my NDIS Exercise Physiologist is an alumnus from the same university, and he told the lecturer he couldn't complete prac full-time due to his disability. The lecturer gave a straight out no answer, for no reason. The only reason he changed his mind is that my EP said he would have to go to the Disability Rights Commissioner.
Re: the degree of privilege, advantage and sheltered student cohort, I agree and have had the same experience as you @Last-Lament - the whole degree has been gobsmacking to be honest, both students and staff. The lack of diverse backgrounds is why I have to contend with this ignorance. The ignorance is unbelievable. They are so far from Trauma Aware that it has to be a cultural thing that springs from the top, down. What really standouts out to me is that the advantage lies with if the young person has a safe place to live. Most school leaving students I have interacted with live with Mum and Dad, Mum or Dad, or a melded family of 4 parents.......other kids raised in DV do not stand a chance, doesn't matter how much money their parents have, they have to move out of home just to stay alive and get as far away from their abusers as possible, get a crummy job, makes some friends and just get away.
I hope that you have some relative safety now and a peaceful little house or home, Corny
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28-04-2021 05:44 PM
28-04-2021 05:44 PM
Re: Higher Ed
Huge respect for chomsky and the many who thought similarly and were similarly educated way before chomsky became ...and intellectual celebrity.
Shocking to hear people paying extra for extensions in Cert 4. Education should not be capitalist enterprise ... hmmm Disgusting about needing to go Human Rights or Disability commissioner ...
"Re: the degree of privilege, advantage and sheltered student cohort" I had the good or bad luck ( depending what aspect of univewrsity life) to get my frist degree from a top of the pile in unis. Made life difficult in some ways ... might have made more friends, and not been turned off by over privilege, in a lower echelon uni ... but too late to change that.
Corny Love your sad poignant, intelligent way of talking about your broken brain ... me too. I can do with all healing circles possible ... and dont get me on "standardised testing"
Ha ha wellwellnez ... re "parrots" and Socratic method ... I mentioned way back when I first started posting on sane forums ... great people have joined who get it.
"but every day in the corporate world I am confronted by morons who seem incapable of thinking outside of the boxes they must tick before passing you onto the next box-ticking moron in what used to be a government department but has now been privatised..." Yes box ticking was becoming a religion in management, out of whack and wasting too m uch time away from actually doing the job ... when I worked in Social Security.
I endured some terrible bigotry trying (and succeding) in getting one quliafication that I actually finally had enough money to pay for upfront as full fee paying ...(long story) Grrrr.
The little bots are driving me mad on this website .. . Grrrr ... had to repost.
Hoping for Healing for us ALL.
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28-04-2021 07:26 PM
28-04-2021 07:26 PM
Re: Higher Ed
Congratulations @Appleblossom you did amazing considering your absolutely horrific past, you're a high achiever, a feat that I could never manage. I crumble with the interpersonal aspect of having to interact with strangers, I don't have any resilience in that department. The amount of people that I can interact with keeps shrinking. I can't even have friendships with whole categories of people because of my traumas, straight men are out it is too triggering for me, my nervous system goes into overdrive unless their wife or girlfriend is alwasy present, I can't handle it. Looking back now I can see I was developing PTSD at a much younger age than I probably wish to admit. I was telling my psychiatrist that in my early 20s I was in a job where I had to wear a uniform, and I started wearing double t-shirts to hide the hypervigilant sweats I was breaking out in. It was actually the 1st instance of workplace bullying I ever experienced and it was from a women, so I just disintegrated completely.
I guess it is easy to look back and wonder what would be different and there is no guarantee with friendships unfortunately. Maybe you would have made more friends, maybe you woukldn't........I had 2 of my closest friends dump me when my past came out. ClinPsychs have explained the psychology of not being able to handle a worse story than their own - but it really hurt. Decade long friendships ended over night. I felt so upset. When you don't have any parent that has ever loved you, friendships become so important and devastating when it ends. You feel like an orphan.
I understand having a broken brain - some people have such robust health, they are really lucky and take it for granted, but I guess that's what health is, you forget you even have a body, but I am constantly reminded of my failing one.
I am a very controversial figure sometimes, my posts go to the death star. Nashypear sends me to the death star more than most. I'm a good person. I don't gossip.
Take care and I hope there is a good story that you can escape into and immerse yourself in, and some healing waters. I would love an open fire right now, Corny