Lived Experience Forum

[Queenie]

Sometimes I feel like I don’t matter. Take for instance my relationship with the monster in law... I give her two thirds of my disposable income each fortnight, yet she says I need to pay more and treats me like dirt. She says horrible things behind my back about me... I’ve caught her out a number of times. She doesn’t want me or the Mrs to get jobs, yet we simply don’t earn enough on the pension to meet her needs. Between my Mrs and I, we pay $900 per fortnight board... apparently it’s not enough! She makes me feel really awful because I have health insurance to pay each fortnight. She also wants us to save money but it’s impossible paying so high amounts to her. I realise we can get our own home to rent close by for that, but the second we suggest moving to our own place, she has a crying fit and threatens to harm herself.

We also have zero intimacy at home because the MIL won’t let us close our bedroom door. We’re forty, not fourteen! We literally have to plan to stay in a motel just to be intimate with my wife. I’m over her childish antics! 😖😩😢

[Shaz51]

@Queenie    Feeling frustrated and sad, i can totally see why my dear friend

what does your mrs think ?? since it is her mum 

sending you hugs

[greenpea]

@Queenie  Hey Queenie bugger you two moving out I think it is time for MIL to move into a nursing home :D. I agree with @Shaz51  what does your mrs think about it all?

[Queenie]

Hey @Shaz51 @greenpea , I know it frustrates my Mrs too although she’d never say anything about it to keep the peace. Last time we discussed it, her mother (my MIL) had a meltdown and threatened suicide. She has a history of being ‘highly strung’. Maybe it is time to move regardless?

[greenpea]

@Queenie  definitely time to move. You cannot allow her to manipulate you both. It is just plain unhealthy.

[outlander]

hi @Queenie that would be really difficult to navigate and sounds like your MIL is abit of a narssacist esp the controlling of money and even the amount of privacy you have and threats. perhaps it is time to move out but have some safety things in place for the mil like a social worker and/or home care worker that will continue to keep an eye on her?

[BlueBay]

Gee that’s tough @Queenie 

@I agree with the others here. It might be time to move out. It’s nit fair on you and your Mrs. you can’t live under these conditions. 

Does the MIL have other children?

how old is she?

you need to enjoy your life and be happy. ❤️

[jay2]

MOVE OUT REGARDLESS OF HER THREATS.

[Queenie]

The MIL has a son who is 42 but he has very little to do with her @BlueBay . I know she has mental health issues as she used to see a psychiatrist and has panic attacks a lot. Her son believes we should have moved out years ago, but seeing MIL has never lived alone in her entire life, the loneliness card is played a lot. She doesn’t get on with people her own age, so seniors groups would be no good.

 I feel calmer today but know she’s close to blowing up again.

[BlueBay]

Thsts really hard @Queenie  that she may crack it again soon. I think you need to sit down with your Mrs snd let her know how you feel. 

Good luck.