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Former-Member
Not applicable

BPD

I've been in the mental health system for a while but I am again in hospital, arriving around 4 weeks ago. 
I've been diagnosed with psychotic depression in the past, and bpd was lightly suggested. This time they've decided that I never had depression and only have bpd. 
This is in my eyes the worst possible thing to happen to me. I was suicidal to start with and now I see no reason to stay alive. I'm currently in a high needs locked ward, so there is no chance of hurting myself, but it's all I want. And it's all I can think of. 
I've been diagnosed as the worst person in existence. I manipulative, evil, worthless pile of shit. Why should I be alive? How can I contuinue my existence knowing I'll never be a normal person? 
I just want to die. 
What should I do?

6 REPLIES 6
theposterboy
Senior Contributor

Re: BPD

Hi @Former-Member 

 

It certainly sounds like you are going through a very tough time at the moment, and that it hasn;t been helped by receiving this diagnosis. However it does sound like some preconceived notions of what BPD is or means are colouring the situation and making it a lot worse: your diagnosis is not a death or even a life sentence, and it certainly doesn't mean you are the worst person in existence, but perhaps someone who struggles with existence in a particular way.

 

It's good to hear that you are in a safe place, and I'd encourage you to keep the lines of communication open. Keep posting, and perhaps speak to the workers in the facility about how you are going at the moment.

 

Regards,

theposterboy

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: BPD

Thank you for your reply.
I guess I just wrote what I think and feel. I didn’t intend to hurt or judge anyone else. I’m just at the end of what I’ve got and I need something I’m not getting here. I need someone to tell me that there is hope or a future.
CheerBear
Community Elder

Re: BPD

Hi @Former-Member and welcome to the forum. Really sorry to hear you're going through what you are at the moment. It's so hard to be at the end and to see few/no reasons to stay alive

 

You said above that you need someone to tell you there is hope or a future. I believe there is. I see and hear of people with all kinds of mental health challenges living life with meaning, purpose and enjoyment. There might be hard (really hard) times and it might be wonky (very wonky sometimes) but it's possible. 

 

There's some fabulous info and stories on BPD here and on the SANE website if you'd like to have a look and read some hopeful stories. There's one here on living with BPD and another on 5 things people get wrong about BPD . There's also a recent blog post on BPD and relationships that I enjoyed reading.

 

Part of recovery that I understand to be important, is having a strong support network. It has taken me a while to get mine happening but it's been worth it. Do you have much in the way of support?

 

Keep posting if it's helpful. You'll find lots of people here who have experienced really dark and hard times and lots of people who find ways through it and are glad they have.

GeminiLion
Senior Contributor

Re: BPD

You cant discuss those issues. Your post will end up being removed

Re: BPD

hi @Former-Member and welcome
I have been diagnosed with BPD along with anxiety, depression and ptsd.
Can I ask why BPD feels like the worst diagnosis? it can be hard to receive these diagnoses but it doesn't define who you are; rather provides a reason to why you might act and feel the way you do.

There is hope that you can learn to manage the suicidal thoughts and self harm tendancies among other symptoms as well. Has anyone suggested trying DBT? its a type of therapy that has shown good success in helping not only those with bpd but also others who suffer different mental health issues as well.
GeminiLion
Senior Contributor

Re: BPD

First off. Not sure which person checker works what shift. But so many of those words you used would been not have been approved sunday night here. 

 

You are certainly normal. We all are. It does not matter about backgrounds, flaws or successes. 

 

You need to speak to a psychologist face to face. So they can work on specifics. They not only listen but give you activities to train the brain to think about life differently. From my experience, consider recommendations. Weekly then fortnightly. I myself now just attend monthly as a check in. Pyschologist are more experienced than counsellor. Not to be confused with psychiatrist. 

 

Anyway. Sounds like you are in safe situation at time of writing even when you did not believe it. If want to help yourself you must take charge and when you take charge you have the control not others. You must want to achieve the opposite what you are saying atm.

 

I wont say anymore. I got things to do myself. But I care about people. Hopefully the sunday night checker is not back (I stop all correspondence to remain positive). Just be mindful thatt sometimes a checker doesnt understand peoples needs. 

 

I care about you. You got to care about yourself okay!

 

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