Who was the one who said, “I want to grow up together, not just grow old”?
Who was the one who fell in love with you when you were overweight [edited by moderator]?
Who was the one who supported you and praised you on your weight loss over the years?
Who was the one who always asked, “How was work?”
Who was the one who listened to you vent every frustration?
Who was the one who made suggestions to help you with your work problems?
Who was the one who listened to you vent about friends, paraphrased your perspective, and offered you a different, more balanced perspective?
Who was the one who suggested that you stay in my home to move in together, after only being able to see each other on weekends?
Who was the one who studied full-time, yet still found time to wash your laundry and fold them?
Who was the one who spent hours helping you with your emerging business?
Who was the one who had over 20 tabs open, researching from a 0% knowledge and 100% learning curve of manufacturing distributors, and presented you with the information of which ones would be the best options?
Who was the one who tried their best to manage the social media accounts, from a 0% knowledge and 100% learning curve, posted all the posts you told me to and started commenting on other pages to increase engagement?
Who was the one who communicated their needs to live harmoniously and instil better living habits into our everyday lives?
She was me. But she doesn’t exist anymore, at least, not for you.
Who was the one that said, “I value communication and trust,” yet admitted they held things in for the past 7 months since moving in, indicating a clear lack of communication, and verbally abused and belittled me?
Who was the one who fell out of love and started verbally, mentally, emotionally abusing me and threatened physical violence?
Who was the one who dismissed, devalued, degraded, and put me down in comparison to others?
Who was the one who said in anger, “But you haven’t grown, you’re financially illiterate, I know 19-year-olds more put together than you,” after I explained that people from high trauma backgrounds often lack life skills?
Who was the one who only looks at actions and doesn’t listen to other people’s reality, when they tell you, the only thing they don’t manage is their shares, that’s graciously done by my father, and have identified that as a future learning need, yet does all own taxes, while you’ve avoided yours because you don’t want to pay? And the only reason I didn’t realise their phone company wasn’t charging me was because it didn’t come up under the company name, but something else.
Who was the one who said, “Well it’s not my problem, you have to figure it out yourself?”
Who was the one who said, “Nope, nope nope!” “You’re wrong!” “Wrong again!” just because they can’t understand that their perspective isn’t the only one that exists?
Who was the one who said, “That's because I am in their [parents] house, not yours.” Yet fail to recognise that it is as much my house as it is my parents, and use that statement to dismiss my attempts at communication to live together harmoniously?
Who was the one who got mad for me doing their laundry and said, “I never asked you to do that, you just took it upon yourself!” And doesn’t recognise the equivalency of exchange doesn’t just revolve around money and has the tenacity to say things like, “You don’t recognise how much I spend on you!” No. I recognise that as gift giving is a love language just as much as acts of service is a love language and both resources have value. Time is money, and money is time/effort/acts of service. I spend over or up to 40 hrs/week of unpaid studying and even more on unpaid acts of service. You come home after work and get to relax, yet have the tenacity to say, “You have all this spare time, yet what do you do?”
Who was the one who didn’t acknowledge, dismiss, and devalue my efforts put in to support their business?
Who was the one who said all I did was use chat gtp to summarise which manufacturer they should use and they could’ve just done that 5 second job themselves? Well, no. I did exactly what you asked and used AI to check my findings, knowing that the final decision was meant to be yours.
Who was the one who ended up giving handling social media to a much better-suited friend of theirs and then degraded my efforts saying I just didn’t have the motivation? No. I just don’t have a character within your business to help promote it because you dismissed all my character ideas and gave me little direction. I used the direction you gave me with what spare time I had, and that wasn’t enough for you. Acknowledge the effort and that I was just not suited for that role, without breaking me down.
Who was the one who said, it’s not living harmoniously, it’s nagging, controlling, don’t need reminders, etc. without recognising or respecting the person you’re meant to loves needs and other ways of living exists? Just because you’ve done things a certain way in other households doesn’t mean every household needs to live that way. Especially when it comes to a simple request of brushing your teeth before bed so I don’t have to smell dragon breath and lose sleep over it. Or getting mad because your wet laundry in the bathroom was stinking so I moved it out of the bathroom so I wouldn’t have to smell it every time I walked past, yet you got mad and said that was an invasion of privacy. No. It was a temporary solution until it didn’t violate my sense of smell. Or getting mad and saying, “How could you be so oblivious that there’s a bathtub you don’t use that you could put a towel rack in the bathroom. Every house I’ve lived in we all managed to put our towels in the bathroom.” Yet when I say other houses I’ve lived in, we sometimes put towels in bathrooms or our own rooms due to limited space. But no. Other ways of living don’t exist to you. Just your way. What I didn’t get to tell you is that towels stored in bathrooms often get mouldy faster due to poorer ventilation and should be changed every three days. Some people even hang their towels outside in the sun to dry between showers. Having our towels just outside the bathroom, to grab just before going in, seems a perfectly acceptable way to live for me. And yet, no thanks when I moved a towel rack into the bathtub and put your towel there, which you still haven’t washed and is starting to smell.
Who hasn’t grown up and just grown old?
There’s so much more I could say, but I just don’t have the energy for it. You took that from me.
