Looking after ourselves
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30-09-2020 01:31 AM
30-09-2020 01:31 AM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
Trying to Understand myself ... Who am I
I walked along the road and saw a long shiney object. I picked it up and wanted to know what it was. I am a curious person. So I googled it and found out what it was. If I smell a beautiful scent coming from a plant. I will go up to it and smell it more. I would really look closely at a pretty flower. I would notice a lot about it in detail. I have an appreciation for beautiful natural scents.
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01-10-2020 08:49 AM
01-10-2020 08:49 AM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
Don't want to face the world today
I just want to sleep it away
life is tough
I've had enough
i can't go on this way
a bad night sleep
leaves me a sobbing heap
no energy
no motivation
no smile
no enjoyment
everything is a chore
scattered thoughts
everything feels like it is a mess
i am a faulure
i am worthless
i am ashamed of myself
i am safe
that is a plusi just need rest
I just needed to get this all out
the black cloud will blow away
the black fog will let go of its grip
i am not home alone even if I feel alone
I need life to get back to "normal"
I need to find the old me
thevine that smiles
the one who can face anything and everything
the one who feels worthy
my thoughts are scattered
i guess I will be ok 👍🏻 💕💕💜💜💕💕
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01-10-2020 12:34 PM
01-10-2020 12:34 PM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
I have cried out to God with what feels like a long time. I can't do this life, I don't want it. So very tired of it. It just goes on and on this sad feeling. "You do not live on bread alone but every word of my Words" How much do I want this... I desire it so much. There is no other way. I know He says rejoice and be glad that I have made this day. I say it again rejoice. They are His words. And I want to do this. But the sadness which seems to be the very opposite of glad and rejoice speaks so very loud in my soul. Please God set me free from my own self. Jesus came to set the captives free. That is what I feel like a captive to my very own self. It is hard to understand. But I hate it. A slave to my self. I wish I could see what He means. I wish I could live that way, be that way. Free from the slave of self. Self is so unhappy, self is so sad and alone. Make me to see and know gladness dear God. For I do long to dwell in that upper place. I just want to be with You. You are with Me, he says. For I say I will never leave or forsake you. I am here child. Ridfht here. I am so very sorry you hurt so much. You are not desolote. Start thanking Me, for I have already set you free. You just don't see it. Please Father make me see.
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02-10-2020 11:22 AM
02-10-2020 11:22 AM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
No more Father, no more. I can't take it anymore. Please take me home. My son is the only reason. I casnot harm him in anyway. I just can't. But I want so much to go. I am stuck.
It hurts so much. The aloneness is unbearable. The grief is too much. God please take me.
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02-10-2020 11:38 AM
02-10-2020 11:38 AM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
Anger is now so much in me. It's going through me. My hands are shaking. Despair. No hope. No one cares to listen.. No one in this whole stupid earth. I hate it so much. Too tired to keep going now. I feel hate for the person who I promised to love. I hate that I feel hate. But I cannot help it. He continually hurts me. He came into this room to report something to me. Tears were steaming down my face. His lack of concern for my very welfare hurts so much. There is no hope.
Sometimes I go into a make believe world. In my mind. Something is so wrong with me
I am trying do hard to cope. The house is such a mess, I try hard but it's overwhelming to clean. He pays for someone to mow the grass because he does not want to to it. I have asked please if he could pay for someone to just help me one tune to get this house in order. Just so the mess does not overwhelmed any more. So maybe I could think clearly. But the answer is no. I have some money my mum and dad gave me, I am cautious to spend it. He does not know about it. Maybe I will use that to pay for someone to help me one time. I don't even know how yo organise it.
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02-10-2020 11:45 AM
02-10-2020 11:45 AM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
Oh @Former-Member this sounds like such an incredibly tough time for you
You say you are trying so hard to cope and that demonstrates your strength and persistence through all this pain. It may not feel like it but there are people who will listen and hold space for you. I encourage you to reach out to the SANE Help Centre (1800 18 7263) or another helpline such as Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) or Lifeline (13 11 14) so that you can connect with some support. Take good care Peggy
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02-10-2020 11:46 AM
02-10-2020 11:46 AM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
Just an overwhelming mess. Everywhere I look in my life is a mess. My own thoughts are a mess. Jumed all up.
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02-10-2020 01:20 PM
02-10-2020 01:20 PM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
He got a huge tax return refund I am thinking. He did not tell me how much. But he keeps buying pieces oh gym equipment for himself. The garage is now full of it. Part of me is happy he has some stuff that pleases him. But another part of me feels like I missed out, or maybe sad..... My dreams don't matter to him.
I remember one time I wanted to buy a white timber bookcase. It was second hand and cost $200. I had no money or access to any. I asked him for some and such an awful fuss was made about it from him. Then he continues to buy gym equipment. So much is getting delivered here on a regular basis. I know it cost around $30 for postage each time. He would have spent thousands by now.
He puts $50 a fortnight into my account for my own personal use. I want to earn my own money, but can't even work out how to clean the house properly and take care of myself. It's overwhelming. Is it right this money situation? I don't even know. He controls all money except that $50. A fortnight. Is this right, I don't even know if it is.
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02-10-2020 01:29 PM
02-10-2020 01:29 PM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
I am so awful. I think my whole soul is filled with hate. Hate for him. I don't want to hate only love. I don't like this feeling. Please help me Father. I want to go home so much. No more
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02-10-2020 02:44 PM
02-10-2020 02:44 PM
Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please
I know I'm not meant to reply here, but I really feel for you @Former-Member Do you want to talk about it with me. Apparently not on here. Not sure where. Will I tag you somewhere? I think I understand.